I am safe on refuge right now. But what I told Brenda and Mike in PMs. I don't actually feel safe here. I am probably not safe here. My hands are still tied. I am not comfortable where I am at.

I have no relationship with Cristina or Paloma. Sekou says he'll stick with me because of Erinn, but if Erinn isn't here, why would he stick with me? He came after me hard last time we played together. I won out, but it wasn't that easy there either.

I am trying my hardest to not telegraph how hard I want Erinn here, but lol at that. I know it's obvious as fuck, I am only fooling myself. I love her to death and the struggles we went through on that tribe are legend already. Her getting disconnected, losing the IC and still being here is ridiculously amazing. I hope she can survive. I am praying she's somehow safe on Sunday. But I am not holding out a lot of hope. If they go to TC, she's fucked. I don't know if Nay or Alina will spare here again, taking her out Sunday is probably a move they need to make. Fuck them so much for that, but I do understand it. I just think it's too early for her to go, she doesn't deserve that. Not saying anyone else does, but I am bias because she's my ally. Duh.

I think people here need to keep in people who are targets. Granted, there are a shitton of threats in this game. But it's far too early to play that way. At least for me. But honestly, I can't even play that way I am lucky that Brenda helped convince Cristina to take me. I am safe because of Brenda and on this tribe my safety probably all lays on Brenda. She is the bigger threat than me and I love her to death, but I am going to make people see that. That's probably evil.. but it's something I have to do in this game.

My goals right now is to build trust and game relationships with Cristina, Paloma and Mike. It's imperative. If we do turn into two tribes, I just need to find a way to make the merge. I can't be cutthroat or do anything huge yet. I have to sit back. I have to play a little calmer and quieter right now, just to keep myself safe. Hopefully it works for me.

I'd like to state for the record too, this is the absolute hardest I have had to play/fight to stay in an All Star game, or fuck, ANY game in forever. I think I am enjoying it more because of that. I know I fucked up in T&T and I had such an easy time pre-merge in that game. This game is nothing like that for me, I am not sure it ever will be.

Also, I don't even know how it pans out yet, but I do want to put it down here that I fucking LOVE the Refuge twist. Even if it didn't save my ass, I'd think it's pretty hot and the way it's been working is interesting and makes figuring out what the fuck is going to happen with it more fun.

Drunk Penny is love. <3

I think I am playing really sloppy with Mike right now by attacking the shit out Monica to him. But I honestly don't want to have to deal with her. If I do, I am going to treat her the same way she did me. I am going to evade her if she needs me, just like she did to me. Is this emotional? Fuck yes. But I do want to make it clear that this is only the way I feel about her inside this game. I truly wanted to work with her, I was never a threat to her in this game. And even if she took out Taj, Erinn and Coach, I would have been fine if she told me that was her plan, or came clean. She sent me that shitty PM after we won the IC to tell me she was happy for me, because I was being refuged.

Everyone knows Brenda and I are a pair. It's obvious with Erinn too. Ugh. And both are my number 1. I can't choose between them. I am enjoying talking to Brenda today. I don't worry about her at all and I trust her without question. I know how she can play, but she needs me as much as I need her.

I think Paloma and I will work together? I don't know. I told Brenda we should make a group before Sunday. She said we should wait, or cultivate her, Cristina, Brenda and I. Cristina needs to come around here more.

Erinn isn't talking to Mike, so if they win or whatever the fuck happens, he isn't bringing her. I think she's just not around though or probably relying on Sekou. But I think she's seriously leaving. :/ That is going to suck. He's probably bringing Nay? Which is good too.

I just need to position myself and keep reminding these people I am not a threat to them yet. I need allies in this game. I am not connected here and even the bitches I am connected to, want me out. This is not rocket science. Me staying here longer, means I'll always be a target. But at the same time, I am loyal as fuck to my true allies. I hope they see this.

I just want to get passed a few more rounds and hopefully make jury, I can't even play to win yet. There is too much more to go.