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To start, I would like to say I am being completely sincere when I say that I enjoyed every single one of you in this game, and all for different reasons. I know some of you don't think of me that highly anymore, and I can accept that. I burned bridges with people who I geniunely care about and I was well aware of the potenial consequences in advance to doing so. As jurors, you have the luxury to base your vote on anything you please and if the majority of you are planning on basing your vote soley on who stayed true to you or didn't lie to you in this game, then I know my fate may be sealed.
However, I truly hope that is not the case and my game and gameplay can be recognized.
I had to use my social game to build my personal relationships with people to make sure I was not going to be their target. I was a visible threat in this game, all game long, and did not have an easy ride pre-merge either. I was targeted on Chaang and was in the minority with Erinn and Coach after Taj's boot in Round 2. I was saved by Cristina and taken to Refuge and that helped me stay in this game when I otherwise would have been in the Loser's Lounge. I had many obstacles to get over and barriers to break and I used my social game as my biggest weapon to make sure I'd excel through this game especially after the merge.
At merge I was dead in the water along with Brenda, Erinn and Paloma. We were like Lambs at that point just waiting to be taken to slaugher with no hope of surviving and sure we would see a NuSeuua final 7. Then things turned around after Sekou's boot when Katie and I compared some notes on NaOnka and Alina. I had heard from Brenda that Katie did not trust them, so I used that situation to cause dissention in an alliance that was already cracking and it worked. Katie was already on to the counter alliance of Lisi/Alina/Monica and NaOnka and with more info, she offered to work with Brenda and I to change the game with her, Yul and Daniel. I personally loved this alliance and did want to make the final 5 with them. But things happened in the game that changed the course yet again and it didn't work out.
This is also another show of how I was playing a couple sides here. As much as I was close and loyal to Yul and Katie, I was also insanely close to Brenda and Erinn. And I was trying to balance both these groups of allies without having to actually take a side. But when push came to shove at Final 7 and Katie and Yul wanted Erinn out again, I tried to make a logical plea to save her and boot Alina. I told Yul and Katie that Alina was too close to Brenda and we needed to break that up. I even told Katie we should go to Final 3 with Erinn. I brought the idea of voting out Alina to Katie and she quickly shot it down, she told me that Erinn was a bigger threat and had to go. I backed down and agreed with her on her points even if they were bullshit, I love Erinn with all my heart, but she was not a threat to win the game, or a threat to Katie for that matter. And I know I played it off like I was ok with letting Erinn go, but I admit now, I was not really interested in voting out someone who was never voting for me, someone who offered me immunity every time she won it and gave it to me once and put herself at risk for me.
However, at the same time, I knew it would be better for my game if Erinn left and I even told Erinn that Brenda and I might have to vote her out. I know this sounds like a contradiction, but I really did struggle with that round and which way I wanted to go with it. And I also knew that if Brenda, Erinn and I did pull off the 3-2-2 vote for Lisi and Lisi left the game, it would not be the end of my game with Yul and Katie. I was focusing on a no risk, no reward type thing too. We could have recovered if Lisi actually left and my relationships with Katie and Yul would have been fine. But I was also very hesitant to make the move and I told Brenda as much. I went into that move knowing full well that if it did not work, the ramifications of it would kill my game with the others. And when Lisi's HII came into play and the vote tied Katie vs. Erinn, I knew I had to start planning and playing for the aftermath of that vote and I did.
I had to play good cop to Brenda's bad cop and I had been doing that all merge. I want to make it crystal clear that I was not feigning any of my anger at Brenda for that round, because I wasn't. I did not want to vote out Erinn either, no. But I knew that if we did, we would have made the Final 4 without a hitch with Katie and Yul and not had a mess to deal with. I started using that round to seperate myself from Brenda and not become a target like she made herself into. I know her outright targeting Yul and promising Alina 4th place to vote with us was not going to help any of us, especially her. So I had to use that opportunity to break from her and put on airs that I was not happy with her and would be willing to vote her out too.
At the final 6 I was still playing both sides basically. I told Yul, Alina and Lisi I'd vote out Brenda. And of course Brenda, Erinn and I were voting Yul. At that point, I tried to weigh out my options on what benefited me more and taking out Brenda by hand and leaving myself and Erinn in a 3-2 situation was not something that I could conciously do, if Brenda survived the round we'd be the final 3. So Forcing the tie that round was another play of no risk, no reward. Erinn gave me her immunity that round and we planned to just go to rocks with Brenda and I immune. Unfortunatley that did not work out, as Brenda was idol'ed out by a 3-3 vote. And at the end of that TC, I left comments for Brenda in my goodbye post to help keep myself safe going into the final 5.
I had to play into the fact that I wanted Brenda out and that her leaving did not phase me and I had absolutely no problem losing her. That was a massive lie on my part. I was devestated with Brenda gone. My rock and partner in the game was gone and I couldn't handle it. I am an emotional player 99% of the time, but the drive and passion I have for this game and getting to the end and hopefully getting this win took over, I admit that. And no one knew how I truly felt about losing Brenda. I completely adapted to the situation at hand. I know this might be irrelavant to bring up, but I think it has to be noted that I was always playing the game and keeping up appearences and my composure was part of my game plan to keep me in this game and get me to the end.
At the final 5, Erinn was voted out over me. I felt that I was really alone at that point. Erinn and I had been together since the beginning and I had no final 3 deals to speak of with the others. Alina and I had a deal to not vote eachother for quite sometime and now that we made it to the end and promised we'd vote together for Yul. In the meantime, Yul and I were talking and he did not offer me much in the way of a Final 3 option until Alina messaged him and told him she was going to let him and I duke it out and the one who wasn't immune was who she was voting for. He was pissed and told me if I won immunity or not, he wanted to vote Alina with me. I agreed to that and told him even if I was immune, I'd do the same for him and tie it. Obviously, that did not work out, as the next day an hour or so before I worked out the jury votes, I had also taken into account that I spent 700 minutes posting the night before and my desire to win this game came into play full force, and I love him, I do, but I just couldn't see a way I could beat Yul in the end. So I made the decision to vote him out and get myself in a final 3 where I had a better shot at winning the game.
There are risks involved with my game play in this game, I know. There is always the risk of being “exposed” but that never happened until the F7 and F6 and even then I bounced back from it. Another risk was obviously the amount of lying and backstabbing it took. I realized this could backfire on me because people could be very mad. I do admit my game was not perfect. I handled a lot of people’s boots poorly, and I apologize for that. I knew I would have to lie, but I thought it was the best way to keep me safe. I could not just sit back and allow myself to become a target. I knew I wanted to work my way into a good position – a position where I wouldn’t be a target and everyone considered me their ally and vote with them and not for them, and people also thought they needed me to succeed. I believe I achieved that.
I also sit here in the end without ever having one vote cast against me all game long. I have not been a legit target since Final 12 of the game and I truly believe my social game and gameplay helped me accomplish that.
By no means was my game perfect. I'm not claiming it is. But you're not here to vote for "Who Played the Best Game Ever" or "Who Played Perfectly 100%". You can scout any game out there and you'll never find that player. Your role is to elect one of the last remaining players, who in your opinion played the better game. I did lie, I did break deals/alliances. I do not think I played a “clean” game by any means, I know I didn't. I am not here to bullshit you. I got my hands dirty and I did what I felt was necessary to keep myself safe from round to round all game long. The only thing I can do now is come into this Final Tribal Council with Hope. Hope that some of you can look past any personal negativity between the 2 of us, and recognize the strong physical and strategic game I played. The strongest physically or strategically in the game? Maybe not. But of the 3 of us? Definitely.
If any of you want an explanation as to why I voted you out or why I did or said anything, I will be more than happy to expand on it if you ask.
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